Working Smarter

1. Saying "NO": Being selective is self-protective
2. Dealing with deadlines
3. Peer pressure and corporate culture
4. It's time to speak up
5. Stop multi-tasking and start multi-plexing

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When my older son was two there were times when I told him to do something and he simply said, "No." I'd look at him in amazement, admiring his courage and amused by his chutzpah. I'd joke to my wife, "Doesn't he realize that I'm 6'1" and he's only three-feet tall? Would I say that to a 12-foot giant?" And yet there he was, standing his ground.

There's an irony here: small children have less trouble saying No than adults do. This cheeky little kid had already learned a skill that most adults struggle with. I often ask people in my seminars how many of them are comfortable saying No in appropriate circumstances. I ask them if they can do it with comfort and confidence. Very few hands go up.

A self-employed professional who was overwhelmed by work told me he had trouble saying No to his clients. When I asked why, he said sheepishly, "Because they won't like me."

A second irony is that one of the most empowering words in the English language is also one of the shortest. When people can't say No they usually end up feeling overloaded, stressed, not in control, and often resentful. People who are able to say No have less pressure and feel more in control of their lives. They also have more free time, increased energy and feel better about themselves. Pretty big payoffs from such a small word.

Learning to say No doesn't mean we have to become difficult or uncooperative. After all, collaboration and teamwork are essential in today's workplace. This is about self-protection. It acknowledges that we can't do everything nor keep everybody happy. Saying No is about recognizing our limits and being selective in our activities.

WHEN SHOULD YOU SAY NO?

The word No does not have to become the favourite part of your vocabulary or the first thing you say after, "Hello." Nor do you have to say it often. Even used five per cent of the time, it will serve you well.

When is it okay - even necessary - to say NO? This is a permission-giving exercise. Most of us have no difficulty saying NO if we have to leave work early to catch a plane. When else can you feel justified in declining a request?

1. When you're exhausted or stressed out
2. When you're overloaded and have no time
3. When you have higher, more pressing priorities
4. When it's not your job or area of responsibility
5. When it's not your area of expertise and someone else can do it better

HOW TO SAY NO

The next question is how to say NO in a way that reasonable people will accept? Here's a third irony: if you do it properly, you never actually use the word NO.

1. Express your wish to comply: "I'd like to do that for you" or "I wish I could be helpful."
   
   
2. Give an explanation. "I'm working on a tight deadline" or "I have to get to a dental appointment."
   
   
3. Offer an alternative. " Barb's really good at this and she loves to do it." Or "I won't be able to do it, but I can show you how to do it."
   
   
4. Offer to do it later. "I can't help you now, but I can do it next Tuesday."
   
   
5. Offer to do part of the task. "I won't be able to do all of it, but I'd be happy to do this part for you."
   
   
6. Ask your boss to help you prioritize. "Which of these projects would you like me to set aside in order to do this one?" She will likely say one of two things:
   a. "I didn't realize you had that much on the go. I'll deal with this another way."
   b. "Set that one aside and do this instead."
   Either way, your boss accepts ownership of the decision. She can't come back to you next week and say, "Where's the such and such report?" when she's the one who told you to put it away.
   
   
7. Ask for time to think about it. "Can I get back to you in an hour? I'll try to re-arrange my schedule." Then, if you can't fit it in, call back and say, "I'm sorry it's not going to work. Perhaps another time."

When I was in my 20s, I agreed to something I didn't want to do, but felt uncomfortable declining. When I hung up, I thought, "What have I gotten myself into?" (My wife calls this the "Oh No's") But, unlike my usual pattern, and with some trepidation, I called right back and said, "I don't think this is going to work out after all" - to which he immediately said, "No problem, we'll do it another time." I was astonished at how easy - and liberating - it was to speak up. That was a touchstone moment. Pick a suitable situation and try it yourself.

Saying NO is an important life skill in this fast-paced world. It's a way to protect yourself from stress and overload. Along with "Permission" and "Enough," No is the third word to add to your Work-Life Balance vocabulary. And if you want a role model, just watch your two-year-old the next time he says NO to you.

All material copyrighted, David B. Posen M.D.