TSUNAMI AFTERMATH Imagine a wall of water the height of a three-story building, traveling 500 mph, slamming into you or your house. That’s what a tsunami looks like. And it’s what happened on December 26, 2004. It was the largest natural disaster in history. As one newspaper put it, it was a calamity of biblical proportions. TV news pushed the shocking images of death and devastation right into living rooms around the globe. Psychologists and counsellors talked about how to help our children deal with the stressful pictures of suffering and destruction. It’s worth noting that many of the principles for helping kids are helpful for adults as well. How a child reacts is based on several factors. A child psychiatrist colleague of mine identified the following; • Underlying temperament – kids who are anxious by nature or who worry a lot will feel more stress. • A history of previous trauma will increase the likelihood of this event being experienced stressfully. • How family members are reacting. If they display a great deal of stress and vocalizing, children will likely react in kind. They will respond to the tension, fear and upset around them, particularly if their own family’s relatives or friends were directly affected by the calamity. • Repeated exposure to media pictures of death and devastation increases the upset. But overall, he notes, the majority of kids are resilient and not unduly unnerved by such things. How can we help children (and ourselves) cope with tragedies of this magnitude? Put the event in perspective. The earthquake that triggered the tsunami was the 4th largest in a century. Thus, it was an exceedingly rare event, unlikely to re-occur for decades if at all. We need to remember that. Also, most places in the world are not vulnerable to these kinds of extreme natural events. Most of us don’t live in coastal areas. Most of us don’t live in areas affected by earthquakes. Most of us will never even see a tornado, much less a tidal wave. Ventilation. Many (although not all) children need to talk about how they feel. Be available to listen. Don’t project your fears onto them. Ask gently leading questions such as “How are you feeling about this?” (as opposed to “This is really upsetting to you, isn’t it?”). One of the big fears for kids is “Could this happen to me?” Heavy doses of reassurance are helpful. Support systems are incredibly important at times of stress. Look for the positives. It’s hard to imagine anything positive from such a catastrophe but, actually, several things have happened. One is the worldwide outpouring of generosity and concern by individuals and groups, outstripping the response of their politicians and governments. Another is that warring factions in some areas temporarily set aside their differences to deal with the disaster. As is often the case, adversity tends to bring people together. International aid agencies mobilized immediately. The United Nations, International Red Cross, World Vision and Doctors Without Borders provided assistance, expertise and some feeling of order and stability. Even though it’s too late for this disaster, there is already talk about creating better warning systems in the future so that vulnerable areas can be alerted. Experts knew what was coming an hour before the waves hit but there was no effective way to notify people in time. Look for ways to help and make a difference. At times of tragedy or disaster, one of the biggest sources of stress, especially for children, is the feeling of powerlessness and helplessness. Anything we can do to feel more in control and empowered will help to reduce the stress. Children donated money, organized fundraisers at school, gave clothing, blankets and tents to help in the relief effort. These are times when people become less self-absorbed and look for ways to assist others. Diversion or distraction. We need the media images to raise our awareness and to keep us informed, but over-exposing ourselves to such television pictures is stressful and leads to emotional exhaustion. We need breaks from the intensity. Exercise, reading and music provide some respite from tension. They also remind us that life goes on. This is where sporting events and movies can help take our minds off the bigger issues for a time. Use this as a teaching moment. Natural disasters provide an opportunity to teach children the difference between needs and wants. Seeing people who don’t have shelter, clothing, food or even safe drinking water puts our own concerns into stark perspective. Most of us, in the West, never have to think about the basic necessities of life. And for this, we are blessed beyond measure. This is a good time to underline that point for children. Be optimistic. It reminds us to think globally. The tsunami hit 12 countries. We are increasingly members of a global community. When people the world over express their concern and reach out to strangers in other lands, it raises the hope that we can do these things more often. It also helps us to see our similarities rather than our differences. Calamities like the Tsunami remind us that life is stressful and uncertain. They also help us to see that, most of the time, things actually go quite well – which is reassuring. And they remind us to appreciate our lives, to make the most of what we have. In that respect, they can redirect us to live with more purpose and intention - at a higher level and with more concern for others. Resolving to live our lives differently might be the best way to redeem the tragic events of Boxing Day, 2004.