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How to stop unwanted thoughts This story has a dozen versions. Pictures of work, piled high on your desk, dance through your mind at night. Or you've just had an argument with someone and can't get it out of your head. Maybe you have money worries, a sick child, a nagging boss or mice in the basement. Whatever the problem or problems, the thoughts just won't go away. How do you get rid of this infernal racket in your head? There is a technique for stopping stressful thoughts that is deceptively simple and it really works. You know what it's like to listen to someone go on and on about a particular issue. Eventually you get irritated and think, "I wish he'd stop already!" In a way, this is what happens when the inner voice in your head talks excessively. Perhaps you're mulling over a problem, or ruminating about a past event. You analyze it in minute detail, worry incessantly or even wallow in self-pity. The technique for dealing with this stressful monologue (in which you are both the talker and the listener) is called "Thought-Stopping." Just as you might say to a friend, "Can we talk about something else?" or even "Knock it off," you use a similar approach with yourself. Yell something sharp and loud and jarring at yourself to interrupt the flow of stressful conversation. Try words like, "Stop it!" "Enough!" "Cut it out!" "Cool it!" Use a forceful voice to really grab your attention. (Obviously. It's a good idea to do this when you're alone, otherwise you may alarm your family or co-workers!) Practise it in your car, in the shower, or when you're home by yourself. Try it for a few days to get the full impact. Then gradually quiet the messages until they're silent. I use the phrase, "That's enough, David!" when I catch myself with unwanted and unpleasant thoughts. Another phrase in vogue these days is, "Don't go there!" Anything's fine, as long as it stops you in your tracks. One of our hospital nurses taught me this variation. Place an elastic band around your wrist and, when you notice upsetting thoughts, snap the elastic gently - for impact, not pain - as you say, "Stop it!" or "Enough." Three tips here: make sure the elastic band isn't too tight; snap it on the back of your wrist (the hairy part), not the sensitive underside; and don't pull the thing back like a slingshot to give yourself a huge welt - a small gentle snap is all that's needed. Thought-stopping, however, is only half the story. If you use the technique and then sit there in a vacuum, the unwanted thoughts will likely return. So the second part of the exercise is to use some form of diversion or distraction. This can be a form of "thought substitution" where you purposely start thinking about something else - pleasant activities for the weekend, who to invite for lunch, or gift ideas for an upcoming birthday. Or you might think about your next vacation or the trip you took last summer. Thought-stopping and thought substitution are especially useful if you waken at night with thoughts about work and have trouble shutting off the voice. This is where the elastic band works especially well (Rather than yelling "Stop It" and scaring your bed partner half to death!) If you can't get back to sleep, just lie quietly and think relaxing or pleasant thoughts. One of my favourite images is lying on the beach at Paradise Island in the Bahamas, seeing very clearly in my mind the white sand, the turquoise-blue water, the bright sunshine and palm trees waving gently in the breeze. It's a restful picture that helps me drift back to sleep. Another way to keep unwanted thoughts from recurring during the day is to use some form of physical diversion. Pick up the phone and call a friend, grab a magazine or read through your mail, turn on the radio or TV; have something to eat; do a crossword puzzle or focus your mind on something stimulating and challenging. The amazing thing about thought-stopping and thought substitution is
that, simple as they are, they're very effective. Patients have left
me voice mail messages over the years in which they've added at the
end, "And by the way, tell David that thought-stopping really works!"
It also illustrates the extent to which we can take control of our own
minds and thinking. We can't stop thoughts from popping into our heads,
but we certainly can choose how long to put up with them and how involved
we want to get with them. You can change the way you feel by changing
the way you think. Just knowing that fact is in itself very empowering.
It's another reminder that we have more control than we think. All material copyrighted, David B. Posen M.D. |