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The Importance of Social Support Chris Michalak is one of the real feel-good stories of this young baseball season. Michalak is a rookie pitcher with the Toronto Blue Jays who began the year by beating the New York Yankees right in Yankee Stadium. But what's most notable about Michalak is that he's 30 years old and spent the last eight years in the minor leagues - which is unusual by today's standards. Many stories have already been written about Chris's determination, persistence, and patience while trying to get his professional career on track. And in most of these articles and interviews, Michalak has made a point of paying tribute to his wife whose support was invaluable to him over the last four years of struggle. However difficult those years may have been, the fact that his wife believed in him and continued to encourage him was crucial to his success. This story illustrates the importance of support systems in our lives. Here's another example. A friend of mine just had her first book published, a wonderful and satisfying accomplishment. It was also an occasion for celebration. Her husband and children pulled together a spectacular party with great entertainment and an even bigger surprise - two of her siblings flew over from Europe for the event. What made the affair so memorable and meaningful was that it was shared with dozens of loving relatives and friends - who were celebrating the author herself, not just her book. Milestones such as special birthdays and anniversaries are enriched immeasurably when our nearest and dearest are there with us. Social support is most helpful at times of stress. My children have had several surgical procedures in their young lives. And even though I'm a doctor, these are times when I can do nothing for them medically. I have to leave that part to my surgical colleagues. But what I can do is to be there with them for as much of the time as I'm allowed. The unspoken message is that "I can't always protect you from pain, but I can be here with you when you have to experience pain so that you won't be alone." My wife and I see our role as giving comfort, providing distraction, giving reassurance, answering questions, allaying fear, and even, when appropriate, being a kibbitzer and trying to get the kids to laugh. Sharing difficult times together made those experiences more manageable and also brought us closer together as a family. Being a member of a team provides another kind of support system. I play in a baseball league in which the friendliness among the players is a big part of game. There's a lot of good-natured ribbing, but it's at times of difficulty that the camaraderie really shows. When guys commit errors or strike out with men on base, there's rarely a critical word said. Almost invariably, words of encouragement or consolation are heard. Friendly pats on the back help to overcome any sense of embarrassment or disappointment that might pull the game down for the person in question. A much more important form of teamwork goes on with medical support groups. Studies have shown that women with breast cancer have considerably better outcomes when they participate in support groups with other breast cancer patients. In one British study, survival rates were double for women participating in such a group. With alcoholics, the most effective treatment program has been Alcoholics Anonymous. I attended several AA meetings when I was a family doctor (accompanying my alcoholic patients) and I can attest to the amazing dynamics at those meetings. There is an air of welcome, acceptance, and understanding. Members provide support to struggling peers. They also acknowledge and celebrate milestones of sobriety. The support is most meaningful because it comes from other alcoholics who know exactly how hard it is to overcome this addiction. So we see that social support makes our lives richer, helps us overcome adversity and comforts us better than almost anything else. Next week I'll talk further about support systems and how to develop them. Incidentally, in the course of my preparing this column, Chris Michalak
just won his third game as a Blue Jay by knocking off the New York Yankees
again, this time at Toronto's Sky Dome. The guy looks like he's "for
real" - and I'm sure his support system is cheering louder with
every victory. All material copyrighted, David B. Posen M.D. |