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If you can't "optimize," then "neutralize" Every outdoor social activity needs a back-up plan in case of bad weather. When Joe and Barbara were getting married, they planned a garden wedding on the shores of Lake Ontario. When the special day arrived, the weather was cloudy and, sure enough, in the afternoon a light rain started to fall. Was this a problem? Something to get stressed about? Not to Joe and Barbara. They'd planned for this contingency by arranging for a large outdoor tent just in case. So when they saw that rain was coming, they simply launched into Plan B. A large, colourful tent was set up with the side facing the water left open to expose the view. With an abundance of umbrellas and a lot of good cheer, the wedding went off without a hitch. Some people would have seen the weather as a serious "problem" and gotten very upset. Others would see it as a "situation" and therefore not get unduly stressed. This is another example of reframing. If you can't reframe things from negative to positive, you can still reduce your stress by reframing from negative to neutral. In other words, instead of saying "This is terrific," you'd say, "It's just the way it is. We can live with this." In my last column I talked about reframing a heavy workload or having too much to do. I listed some of the negative/stressful interpretations of this all too common phenomenon, but also related many positive ways of looking at the same thing. However, we can also reframe it by "neutralizing" it - with statements such as "It is what it is," or "this is the reality of today's workplace," or "I can only do what I can do" or even "I'll do the best I can, and take satisfaction from what I can get done." In my 20 years of public speaking I've encountered a host of glitches and snags--- everything from rooms being too small and crowded to outside noise, from absent equipment to microphones that screech. I've learned to handle each of these with philosophical acceptance. I don't say, "Hey, this is great!" I use phrases like "This is what I have to work with. I have to make the best of it." I've learned to see these events not as problems, but simply as issues that have to be dealt with. Once, twenty minutes before I was to give a presentation to 200 schoolteachers, the power failed throughout the hotel. The only light in the room was the exit sign (perhaps a message from the universe to cancel the event and leave?) My seminar included overheads and an audiotape, none of which I could now use. I expected the program to be cancelled. How could you ask 200 people to sit in the dark and listen to a speaker they couldn't see? However, ingenuity prevailed. The hotel staff brought in a number of candles in elegant candlesticks and even a candelabra. (I felt like Liberace without the piano.) They brought me a flip chart so I could draw the diagrams I couldn't show on the screen. I then presented a two-hour workshop on stress management - by candlelight. It wasn't ideal and I had to make a lot of adjustments. It wasn't a fabulous turn of events. But we neutralized most of the problems, made do with the circumstances, turned a "problem" into a "situation" and simply got on with it. (Actually, it turned out to be a very peaceful atmosphere in which to talk about stress reduction.) Anthony Robbins offers an excellent example of reframing by "neutralizing"
in his book, Unlimited Power. He notes that the word "failure"
is negative and stressful. He suggests that we replace it with "results"
or "outcomes." This removes the negative connotation on things
that don't work out as we might wish. We can then evaluate these results
and outcomes and decide how to improve them. We don't need to label
them "failures" in order to do that. All material copyrighted, David B. Posen M.D. |
