Holiday Stress

1. Avoid holiday stress. Start now! (To be read in October)
2. How to enjoy holiday stress
3. More on how to enjoy holiday stress
4. Feelings that surface during the holiday season
5. Have you made your New Year's resolutions?

Take me back to the Resource Centre index

3. Overemphasis on Gift-Giving

A friend told me this story about a Christmas morning fiasco at their house. They all went to bed early on Christmas Eve with everything organized for morning.

At 7:00 a.m. they were jolted awake by a scream followed by loud crying. Their five-year-old daughter had gone into the living room only to discover a scene of utter chaos. It turns out that their three-year-old was so excited about opening presents that she couldn't sleep. At 5:00 a.m., unable to contain herself, she'd opened every gift (hers and everybody else's) and left everything strewn all over the floor. The parents hurriedly restored order by re-wrapping all the packages and putting them back under the tree.

This story illustrates how the focus on gift-giving can create a level of anticipation and excitement that can get totally out of hand. (By the way, I know some adults who get pretty pumped up too!)

Expecting to receive certain gifts can lead to letdown if you don't get what you want. Or the giver can feel slighted if they get a muted reaction to their carefully-selected treasures. There's a story about a guy who receives two neckties from his mother-in-law. He wears one for Christmas dinner in order to please her. As they start their meal, the mother-in-law looks up from her soup and says, "What's the matter, Bob, you didn't like the other tie?"

The lesson? Don't overemphasize gifts. Make it just a part of the celebration. And make the sharing of gifts a relaxing and enjoyable experience, not a mad scramble. Create a nice atmosphere and get comfortable. Distribute presents one at a time. Have everybody watch while each gift is opened. This leaves time for "oohs and ahs" and teaches children delayed gratification. Stop occasionally for an eggnog or hot chocolate. All of this slows the pace, heightens the anticipation, prolongs the fun, and gives each carefully-chosen gift its fair share of appreciation time.

4. Preparations, Cleanups and Chores

One way to reduce the workload is to avoid all unnecessary tasks. One of my patients decided to paint her front hallway the week before Christmas because she was having company. She must have read my mind because, without a word from me, she said, "Bad idea, huh?" She realized the timing for this make-work project wasn't ideal.

Keep it simple. You aren't entertaining royalty.

If people ask if they can bring something, graciously accept. Sharing the load is both sensible and helpful. And if it's family and they don't offer, you may want to simply ask for help or delegate some tasks.

But be careful who you delegate to and don't forget to give clear instructions. A patient told me that her husband volunteered to buy the turkey. But, when he proudly presented the bird, late on December 24th, it was still frozen. No way would it defrost in time. And, by then, all the stores were closed. He spent that Christmas with egg on his face!

Sharing the work includes the cleanups. We have friends who have a tradition for special dinners. When the meal is over, the two brothers disappear into the kitchen, roll up their sleeves, and wash all the dishes before anyone realizes what's happened. These are the guests from heaven. And, no, I won't give you their names. They're coming to our house this year!

5. The Social Whirl

As if planning, shopping, and preparing aren't enough, many people add a blitz of socializing to the holiday mix. The result is overload and exhaustion.

Try these suggestions

• Don't accept every invitation you receive. Give yourself some evenings off to relax.
• Don't accept two invitations for the same day or evening if it involves a lot of clock-watching or running from one event to another.
• Be realistic about travel time. Consider staying overnight with friends or relatives rather than driving back late at night, especially if you've had a big meal, alcohol, or are tired. Or ask to start earlier.
• Keep regular hours as much as possible. Get adequate sleep. Maintain regular exercise. Don't get exhausted and run down.
• Avoid excesses. Don't over-eat, drink too much, and then tank up on caffeine so you can drive home. When the little voice in your head says, "I think you've had enough" or "I know it looks good, but you've already had three of those doughnuts," listen up. Don't go on automatic pilot, pushing everything in sight into your face just because it looks good. The same goes for alcohol consumption - but with triple the emphasis. If you are drinking alcoholic beverages, arrange for someone to be the designated driver.

With a little foresight and pacing, holiday time will be a lot more fun.

All material copyrighted, David B. Posen M.D.