Dr David Posen -Stress Management Keynote Speaker and Author

Work-Life Balance

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More tips for handling home chores

In the 1986 movie, "The Money Pit," Tom Hanks and Shelley Long played a young couple who bought and renovated a lemon of a house, leading to a cascade of expensive misadventures. The movie was short on laughs, but long on message that homeownership can be a relentless financial drain. But that's not all it can consume. Home maintenance can also eat up a staggering amount of time.

Last week I discussed sharing the load equitably amongst all the people who live in the house (including young children). Here are some other suggestions for handling home chores which should free up more time for enjoyable activities and relationships.

HIRE HELP. This is not an isolated story. Patient starts home renovation with great gusto, stripping wallpaper from several rooms. Optimistic enthusiasm plummets when he realizes how much work lies ahead in patching holes, sanding, and reapplying new wallpaper. It suddenly seems like an overwhelming task. He puts it off for months. The rooms sit in disarray; the house is a mess. Every evening he comes home tired and faces the prospect of working on his project. The weekends loom large as the pressure to sacrifice free time creates conflict. After listening to this I ask, "Why don't you just hire somebody to finish the job? They'll solve your problem in two days." He agrees, follows through, and his stress level melts in a sigh of relief.
Many people have experienced similar liberation by hiring a twice-a-month housecleaner, or paying a local teenager to cut the grass or shovel snow. These are all examples of trading money to buy time and, if you can afford it, the tradeoff is well worth it.
DO SOME CHORES TOGETHER. At our house, we do basement and garage clean-ups as a family. The work goes faster, it's more fun and it promotes togetherness. Whether it's heavy yard work or preparing the house for visitors, working together really works.
LET SOME THINGS GO. Do you really have to iron your sheets? I once had a patient who ironed her pyjamas until I suggested she stop.
Similarly, beds don't have to be made every morning - especially if you're in a hurry - and they certainly don't have to be made with hospital corners.
When friends are coming over for dinner and you're pressed for time, buy a cake instead of baking your own. Avoid unnecessary "make-work projects."
DO SOME THINGS LESS OFTEN. Laundry can be a never-ending chore, particularly in large families. Wear clothes a littler longer - or buy extra underwear, socks and towels to avoid frequent laundering.
FIND SHORT CUTS. Contour sheets and duvets were a big breakthrough in my life because they simplified bedmaking.
One of my patients was thrilled to discover she could let dishes dry in a rack instead of using time and a towel.
BUY LABOUR-SAVING APPLIANCES. Dishwashers and microwaves are obvious examples. Buying appliances can be expensive but there are strategies around that too. For example, we bought a community snowblower with five other families in the neighborhood. Not only does it save time and effort, but our teenagers now ask to do the snow with this jazzy piece of machinery.
COOK EXTRA SERVINGS AND FREEZE FOR LATER USE. Cook in quantity. Toss large salads twice a week. Buy an extra fridge and buy milk in bulk - anything to cut down on the frequency of food preparation and shopping.
MANAGE EXPECTATIONS. "When all else fails, lower your standards." This old expression is especially important for perfectionists. There are houses that look like they're on permanent display. Many people choose cleanups over an evening walk, foregoing exercise to make sure the house looks great. Reverse those priorities and get the fresh air instead.
Juliet Schor, in her excellent book, The Overworked American, (Basic Books, 1991), cited a fascinating statistic: in the 1910's, an average American housewife spent 52 hours a week on home chores and childcare. A similar survey in the 1970s revealed almost no change, despite all our labour-saving appliances. Why? Houses got bigger, there were more possessions to clean and take care of, but also expectations rose dramatically as people moved from country to city to suburbs. Standards of cleanliness went from "adequate" to "spic and span." Great amounts of time were spent tidying, vacuuming, shining, and polishing.
Realistic expectations are especially important if you have young children. My wife and I got pretty good at stepping over piles of toys and other children's playthings rather than picking up at every turn. The house was never a mess; it was just lived in.
DOWNSIZE. This is a more dramatic solution, but people who took the step and bought a smaller house and sold some furniture and possessions were delighted with the results: less hassle and more time for relaxing and recreation. As one woman put it: "What did I need with a 3,000 sq. foot house anyway?"

If you're fighting a constant battle for balance and leisure, keep track of the time you spend in a week on home chores. Then strategize ways to reduce the load. Be prepared to experiment and to compromise your standards and expectations.

If you've found other helpful tips to handle home chores, send them to us and we'll share them with our readers.