Dr David Posen -Stress Management Keynote Speaker and Author

Work-Life Balance

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Are you a workaholic?

When we first started dating in 1982, my wife thought I was a workaholic. Mind you, she didn't tell me this until years later.

I was amused that anyone could mistake me for a workaholic because I had a very busy life beyond my medical practice. But in those days I was also learning everything I could about stress management. It had become my new passion and I happily gave up a lot of my evenings and weekends.

Now, I can see why it looked like I was a compulsive worker - but I was never devoted to work to the exclusion of my other interests, activities, and relationships.

Who qualifies for the label "workaholic?" We use the term loosely to describe people who work a lot or seem to be "married" to their job. Technically speaking, "workaholic" means an addiction to work as a way of life. These people are driven to work. They require work to fill some inner need. They usually neglect relationships and other activities and suffer from withdrawal when they can't work (e.g. on vacation or due to illness). These people really get into difficulty if they lose their job or retire.

Some people find work to be exciting and enjoyable, preferring it to almost everything else. I call these people "eager workaholics", because they love to work and seem energized by it. However, I've met very few happy workaholics. Most folks I know who are grinding through long hours are doing it for other reasons. In fact, I think a lot of people have developed workaholic lifestyles without really being workaholics.

In my first book, Always Change a Losing Game, I identified reasons why people work long hours and gave them labels. See if any of these descriptions apply to you.

Reluctant Workaholics work long hours out of necessity, not desire. Whether it's for money, to keep their job, in response to peer pressure or to satisfy demanding clients, they feel they have no choice - but they're not happy about it.

Pushover Workaholics work long hours because they can't set boundaries and limits and haven't learned to say NO. They become vulnerable to manipulation by other people because they don't stand up for themselves.

Temporary Workaholics go through intense work periods on a cyclical basis. Accountants at tax time, retailers before Christmas, doctors during flu season, all go through periods that require long hours.

Ambitious Workaholics try to move up the corporate ladder and are prepared to sacrifice to do it. Long hours and hard work are the price they're willing to pay for their definition of success.

Robot Workaholics slide into a pattern of long hours and obsession about work without realizing what's happened. The pattern may begin out of necessity or as a temporary plan, but then continues until they stop noticing how deeply enmeshed they've become.

Inefficient Workaholics are disorganized or work slowly and so need extra hours to get the job done. The problem is that working long hours creates fatigue, which increases inefficiency. The more inefficient they become, the more hours they need to get the job done, creating a vicious cycle.

Turtle Workaholics: Many patients admit to me that they work long hours to hide from boredom or an unhappy relationship, or to avoid home responsibilities. In her excellent book The Time Bind (Owl Books, 1997), Arlie Hochschild, discovered that a lot of employees at a large American company worked long hours because they felt less tense and more appreciated at work than they did at home. In fact, her subtitle is "When Work Becomes Home and Home Becomes Work." Work can be a very seductive escape because it looks like dedication rather than evasion. This is why Dr. Barbara Killinger, in her best-selling book Workaholics (Key Porter Books, 1991) refers to workaholism as "the respectable addiction."

If you work long hours (especially more than 60 per week) or if your work-life balance is out of kilter, ask yourself:

"Why am I doing this?"

"When did I start doing this?"

"Was it my initial intention to keep doing this, or was it just a temporary arrangement?" and lastly, "Do I want to continue doing this?"

I think a lot of folks started out as well-rounded people who enjoyed life, but ended up going through a meat grinder (college, training, apprenticeship, business start up, etc.) and came out the other end with work as their primary (or even their only) focus and the pattern was set. If this happened to you, recognize that you're either a true workaholic (addicted to work and feeling ill at ease when you're not "getting your fix,") or, more likely, you've just fallen into some habits that aren't serving you well and that you can change.

The first step is to identify the problem. The next step is to find a solution. It may require changing your job or line of work. But more likely it will involve redefining your life so that work is put in perspective, allowing you to reclaim other activities and relationships that you've been neglecting. There's a big payoff from putting things back in balance.