Work-Life Balance

1. The work-life balancing act - it's getting harder
2. Work-life balance: Setting boundaries and limits
3. How to leave work at work
4. Even VCRs have a pause button
5. Where's the pressure coming from?
6. Are you a workaholic?
7. Handling home chores
8. More tips for handling home chores
9. Free time survey says we prefer sleep over sex

Take me back to the Resource Centre index

It started out as a conversation about constipation. My patient was a young, attractive woman who was always a conscientious student and was now out in the business world. She had come to me with abdominal complaints so I asked about her eating habits. I was surprised to find out she wasn't eating lunch. I thought, "What kind of employer makes people work through their lunch hour?" But when I asked, the woman admitted this was not company policy. In fact, the pressure was coming from her. She felt skipping lunch was the only way to complete her work.

This conversation, like many others with different patients, made me realize that overwork is usually more complicated than a demanding boss and a compliant employee.

Let's look at sources of workplace pressure that cause people to put in long hours and upset their work-life balance. By the way, these factors can also lead to overload in the non-work part of our lives.

1. External Demands: These come from bosses and clients, co-workers and customers. They involve not only what people want you to do, but also the standard of excellence they expect from your efforts.
2. Deadlines: It's not enough that people ask you to do stuff, but they toss in a time limit while they're at it. You feel a lot more squeezed if they need it by Tuesday morning than if they want it by Thanksgiving.
3. Peer Pressure and Corporate Culture: This can be anything from a raised eyebrow when you leave early to a sarcastic comment if you go out for a walk on your lunch hour. It can range from the example set by executives coming in on weekends to someone saying, "We don't do that around here" when you make a personal phone call. The messages, whether stated or implied, exert gentle pressure to conform.
4. Internal Demands: These are the things that we want to do, and our own expectations and standards. For example, Type-A individuals are always trying to do more things while perfectionists have very high standards of excellence. (Type-A/perfectionists push relentlessly for both quantity and quality - They're always fun to watch!)
5. Perception of Danger: "If I'm late with this project, my boss will kill me." or "If I don't come in this weekend it could affect my performance appraisal." We give ourselves internal messages about the negative consequences that will result if we don't get things done. This cranks up the pressure meter.

Evaluation of Our Ability to Accomplish Tasks and to Cope: Pressure is affected by our level of confidence. If I look at a mountain of work and think, "I can't possibly get all this done and I'm going to be in big trouble if I don't," I will feel a lot more anxious than if I say to myself, "Boy, there's a lot of work here, butI know I can handle it."

Some important points to note about these six sources of pressure:

1. The first three are external, but the second three are internal. We often think of pressure being exerted from outside us, but we bring a lot of it on ourselves.
2. We don't control the first three factors, but the last three are all under our direction.
3. We may not control the first three items, but we can influence them. We can decline requests, negotiate deadlines, and challenge, or even resist, certain aspects of peer pressure and corporate culture. In short, we have more control than we think. We just need to start using it.

How to take more control and reduce pressure

Obviously you can't stop people from making demands. But it's also clear that you can't do everything you're asked. Set boundaries and limits. Learn to selectively say NO. (both subjects were discussed in previous columns).

You can't control deadlines, but you can negotiate if they're too tight or unrealistic. I'll be discussing deadlines in my next column.

I'll talk about peer pressure and corporate culture in two weeks, but first you need to determine if your perceptions are accurate. I had a patient who thought bringing her child to work was unthinkable. Then one day she had no choice - and was pleasantly surprised to get no pushback. In fact, people were chatting up the kid all day.

Cut down on the internal demands that you make of yourself. Set realistic expectations, resist perfectionism, slow down, and set limits for yourself. Stop trying to do everything.

Stop sending yourself dire messages of doom. The sky isn't going to fall every time a project is delayed or a report is less than brilliantly written. Ease up on the internal conversations you have with yourself.

Talk to yourself more positively. Remind yourself of your abilities and strengths. Acknowledging your competence will increase your confidence.

So what happened with my patient who was working through her lunch hour? She began to go out for lunch, and quickly found that the relaxation was just as important as the food. And she admitted that the "boss" who'd been pushing her was actually in her own head

All material copyrighted, David B. Posen M.D.