Dr David Posen -Stress Management Keynote Speaker and Author

Work-Life Balance

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How to leave work at work

You know you're in love when you can't stop thinking about your beloved.

So what does it mean when you can't stop thinking about work? That you love your job? Probably not. That your employers are paying you so much money that they're not only buying your daytime talent and effort, but also your thinking time at night? If only! But, clearly, something's causing your mind to revert to work like the default setting on a computer.

Many patients tell me that work thoughts often intrude upon their off-hours. The ultimate example is waking up in the middle of the night thinking about the job. Taking work home physically is one thing, but bringing it home in your head is more insidious and problematic - especially when you have trouble turning it off.

There was a time when people went to work, punched a time clock, put in their hours, then clocked out and forgot about work until the next day. This maintained a healthy separation between work and personal time.

Today work is less well defined. The line between work and life has blurred and we're taking work home literally (in our briefcases) and figuratively (in our heads). In many cases, it's taking over our lives.

The time has come to establish boundaries. We must keep work in its place and make room for important relationships and activities - even for downtime to just relax.

Here are some suggestions for leaving work at the office.

Don't bring work home. You can't do it at home if you don't lug it home to begin with. Keep your briefcase, laptop, and professional reading at the office. When you bring it home, two things can happen; either it sucks you into work-related activity or it sits there, nagging at you: "Hey, what about me?" The result: a guilt-provoking distraction.
Get unplugged at home. The good news about technology is that people can reach you anywhere. The bad news about technology is that people can reach you anywhere. Don't make work-related phone calls on your own time. Don't pick up voice mail or email. Clear the decks so that evenings and weekends are for other things.
Have a life to go to after you leave work. I was arranging to have something delivered to me and the person offered to bring it over on the weekend. I said I didn't want to intrude on her personal time, to which she replied, "Oh, that's okay, I have no life anyway." She said it with a smile, but it really saddened me. Develop compelling activities and enjoyable relationships that will enrich your free time. Family, friends, hobbies, reading, sports and relaxation will provide a healthy counterbalance to the lure of extending your workday. In other words, "Get a life."
Shut off your thinking about work. Compartmentalize. Discipline yourself to keep your mind from wandering onto work subjects when you're away from the office. Find diversion and distraction. Focus on the people you're with and the activities you're doing. Keep your mind in the present tense.
Park your problems. A patient told me she visualizes putting her work problems on a shelf when she gets home and not taking them off the shelf until she's ready to leave for work the next day.
Put it away. If solutions to business problems occur to you at home, write them down quickly and then put them away. If good ideas pop into your head, you don't have to ignore them---just jot them down but don't act on them until you return to the office.
Organize your next day's schedule. But do it before you leave for the evening or weekend. It's a good time to plan because everything is fresh and you know which priorities you're working on. Then you can tune out and free up your mind for other things.
Clean off your desk at the end of each day. Do it even if you haven't finished all your tasks. This gives you some feeling of order and completion.
Create or buffer time between work and home. Stop off at the gym or meet a friend. Or, when you get home, go for a walk or have a hot bath before starting to prepare dinner.
Change your clothes when you get home. As one of my patients put it, "As long as I'm wearing this suit, I feel like I'm still at work." Changing into more comfortable clothes creates separation and helps to create a relaxed mind-set for the evening.

For most of us the workweek is long enough as it is. Let's not extend the hours. It's bad enough that we take work home and let it mess up our free time. It's even worse when we can't turn it off in our heads.

Learn to let it go and free your mind for more pleasant thoughts and enjoyable activities. And who knows---if you work less, you might end up loving your job more!